"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning." James 1:17
Sometimes though we look at His gifts and wonder..."What was He thinking? This is a hard gift." You wonder why He picked this specific gift for you. But He did...and if you seek Him, you realize...it is a PERFECT gift.
THE GIFT OF BEN
written by Hope Budahl Robertson
Where to begin? Maybe I should start by telling you that I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in June of 2011 and said to my husband, “I think our family is complete. We have 6 beautiful, healthy children, and I’m getting older. The odds of having a problem with one are getting higher. We are done.”
Maybe I should explain that I have often enjoyed my times with people who have special needs, and in the back of my mind wondered (somewhat fearfully) if God was preparing me for a special needs kid of my own. Maybe I’ll just get to the point. Just after the New Year 2013, I found out that I was pregnant with our 7th child. Though not exactly “planned,” I was thrilled. Every new life is a precious gift, and I looked forward to enjoying one last pregnancy, which I expected to run just like my other 6 seamless pregnancies. However, when I had not yet felt the baby move by 20 weeks, I started to get a little concerned. I called the hospital, and was scheduled for an ultrasound that very day. Upon seeing the heart beat and the tiny baby wiggling on the screen, my fears were relieved…until the doctor walked in and said, “There are a few anomalies on this ultrasound. There is some extra fluid at the back of the baby’s brain, his kidney is enlarged, and you have a one artery umbilical cord. It could be nothing, but your doctor should be calling you in a few days.” At the time, I had no idea what would be coming. Later that night, my OB doctor called. “I think this is of concern. One or even two markers wouldn’t matter, but to see these 3 together is more concerning. I’m going to refer you to a specialist.” Two long weeks later, Jonathan went with me to the ultrasound at the neo-natal clinic. The technician finished up and left the room. When the door opened and 5 or 6 people walked in, we knew there was trouble. Multiple anomalies had been found. There was something wrong with nearly every part of our son’s body. The diagnosis…prepare for a still-born baby. My heart was broken, and I begged God to take the baby quickly. As the shock wore off, I began to reflect that God would see us through this. I remained firm in my belief that He is good, all the time. Not just when things go as I want them to. Friends and family gathered around us, assuring us of their love and prayers. Friends from all around the world heard of our situation and began to pray, and our spirits were comforted. The grief was still there, but God’s presence was greater. The option to terminate the pregnancy was given since it was the opinion of the doctors that the baby would likely not survive, and if he did, he’d be severely handicapped. We stated in no uncertain terms that this was not an option, and it was not brought up again. Rather, everything possible would be done for me and the baby during the remainder of the pregnancy. Multiple genetic tests were done. One by one the obvious diagnoses were ruled out. Specialists were consulted and research was done, but there were no answers. Our hopes would rise and fall and rise again as new possibilities were presented and then disproved. Months of research culminated in one final conclusion, given by the geneticist. “We can hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.” Because the baby was growth restricted, the doctors feared going past 38 weeks, so Oct. 1 was the date chosen for my induction. A routine induction turned into an emergency C-section, and Benjamin Seth, “son of my right hand, in place of the one who was dead,” was delivered in the early hours of Oct. 2. By the time I awakened from being knocked out, Benjamin was already in the NICU, and I was too weak to even lift a finger. But, he was alive!
The following weeks are a blur, as test after test was run on Benjamin. A tentative decision was made that Ben’s physical anomalies are caused by the very rare Peter’s Plus syndrome, though no tests have been done to confirm. Tests also showed that my tiny baby would need a fairly routine open heart surgery for a total anomalous pulmonary venous return, or he would not live. So, Ben was moved to yet another facility, where the doctors successfully performed a life-saving heart operation on my very weak and sick one month old baby.
Two weeks later, he had a gastrointestinal tube put in, since he cannot swallow yet. This was the final step needed before he could come home. On Tuesday, Dec. 10, exactly 10 weeks after I went in for induction, Benjamin came home. We are filled with gratitude to the God who heals. Yes, Benjamin has some issues that will require continuing medical care and therapy for awhile, but there is great hope for improvement. Most of all, God was with us through the uncertainties of the pregnancy, the momentous birth, and the emotionally fraught weeks surrounding the heart surgery, and we KNOW that He will not forsake us now. Those who said, “Are you sure you really want to go through with the heart surgery? After all, Benjamin has so many things wrong with him, and every time we look, we seem to find something else,” are now saying, “Well, Benjamin surprised us.” He’s doing so much better than anyone ever expected and the word from the doctors is now, “He has a long life ahead of him and anything else he needs done is nothing compared to what he’s already been through.” We can truthfully say, we are thankful for this experience. We are thankful for the lessons learned and the opportunity to see God’s hand at work in Benjamin’s and our lives. God is good, ALL the time.
Merry Christmas!
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