One Month

It is hard to believe that I have officially been in Poland for a month.  You know, people always say "Time flies"....it doesn't.  I feel as if I have been here forever.  Leave someone you love behind (or five someones) and just see how quickly the time goes. But this has been a learning experience for me.  Let me divide it up this way....

Things I have learned about Olivia.

1. She is a rambunctious, energy filled kid. She fights. She plays. She pouts (a lot). Why is it that people assume that because you have Down Syndrome that you are somehow different?
2. She has some medical issues that definitely need dealt with at home. Most of them can be addressed by a Ear, Nose and Throat doctor.  She snores while she is awake and when she swallows, it sounds like she is swallowing rocks.
3. She has clothing issues.  She likes them off...so she can put them back on...and take them back off.  This is harmless (other than stretched socks and shirts) but drives me insane.
4. She is an excellent car traveller (opposed to what the nuns told us).  None of my kids travel as well as she has.
5. She has no "full" gauge when it comes to food.  And although this is funny (because, don't we all feel this way sometimes?); it can be really bad for her. 
6. She doesn't know how to handle attention. This can also be potentially bad for her.
7.She has a really weird laugh.  I am serious.  I have never heard anything like it...ok wait, I have.  Riley can make a laugh similar to this when he wants to, but he has to force it and it comes natural for her.
8. Her feet, I am absolutely certain, are square.
9. If you put her in a swing, you may never get her back out.
10. She backwashes...do not EVER share your drink with her!

Things I have learned about Poland.

1. Poland is beautiful
2. Poland is crowded.
3. The weather is very unpredictable. Sunny and warm one day and then cold and rainy the next.
4. The people are very, very laid back.  Never assume how long it is going to take even the simplest things to get done ...like a passport photo.
5. The only time the are not laid back is when they are driving.   And signs are a suggestion here.  I am not even sure they have stop signs.
6. They have "American Food" restaurants here.  I am not sure why this is weird to me.  Maybe because most "American" food is Italian, Mexican, French...etc.
7. Old ladies ride their bikes to church on Sunday with their high-heels on.
8. And there really are little old men who sit on the bus stop bench reading novels...legs crossed, cane leaning against them, scarf wrapped around their neck, hat on.
9. The trees are so amazing to see.  Color everywhere.

Things I have learned about myself.

1. I like tea. (I think.)

2. I can't handle being away from my kids this long. (I already knew this...so I guess this one should not be on this list.)

3. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done.
4. Hence, I have eaten way more chocolate bars than I would care to admit. (Their chocolate is fantastic here.)

5. I am not at all classy looking, pushing a stroller with one toddler in it and dragging the other toddler by a leash. (Yes, everyone stares. Weird foreigner.)
6. Every. day. is. hard.  I don't mean this as a reflection of Poland....it is a reflection of me.  I get up wishing the day was already over.  I know God is pushing and sometimes pulling me through each day.  I have something each day to learn and I have to look for it.  Even if the day only teaches me "Karen, you need to learn to chill out and relax. Not everything is going to go smoothly today, so get over yourself."
7. I do NOT envy people with twins. AT ALL. (To those of you who have them or are going to have them, "You are my hero.") I have no idea how to contain these two.  It's as if I am constantly getting on to someone. "Stop putting that pillow on her head." "Stop licking the mirror." "No, you can't have gum again." "Would you just poop already." "Eat your supper." "Quit wiping your supper in your hair." "Sit still. You! You sit still too! Stop wiggling." "How can your nose be running again.  Stop licking your boogers."

And the lists go on and on.  Thank goodness, I get to go pick up my husband from the airport. And we can enjoy what is (hopefully) my last week in Poland together.




Losing It

Ever have one of those times in your life where you were clear on what it was God wanted you to do?  You knew you were on a path that He wanted you on. You were prepared.  You were steady. You were confident. You had it all under control.
Yeah, me neither.

In fact, I realized something.....
I do not have to have control.  I don't have to understand. I do not have to be cool and collected.  I do not even have to always "like" what God has asked me to do.
I do have to believe....
He is God. 
He knows what's going on and I do not have to.
He has control.
I just have to continue in his will for me.  I admit that this approach to life can feel a bit like you are hanging on the edge of a cliff screaming for help.

I spent the first two weeks in Poland wondering what in the world I was doing here. Did I know adopting Olivia was what God wanted? Yes.
Did I spend a year working to get here? Yes.
Did I think I was prepared for her? Yes.
Did I care about all the above things? NO WAY!
I wanted to run home.  Home to my own kids, my own house, my own food, my own language.  I questioned why in the world I had been willing to do this in the first place. How in the world was I going to care for her and my kids too? Did I really want to make a lifetime commitment to a child I did not know? I questioned every single thing that the Lord had taught me over the past year and a half.  I did not want to do what He wanted me to.  Because let's face it....I was scared.  After all,she is scary, right?

Oh come on....she is scary. ;)

Sad thing is. My fear had nothing to do with her.
 It was just about me....giving up...ME.
I needed to be reminded that this was God's plan not mine.  I was here to glorify Him and not myself.  And although I did not feel like she was my child, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was His child; and He asked me to take her home and love her unconditionally. 
I can not say that I came to this understanding the easy way.
In fact, I feel so sorry for my husband.  He came with me on this journey because he saw my conviction and searched it out with me. It became our desire.  And then we get here and I fall apart. It wasn't pretty. Yet he put up with my insanity.  He only ditched me on the side of the road once. I survived the walk back to the institution with a stroller on the skinny, pot holed road with cars swerving around me at mach speed.
Otherwise, he was great. ;)
And I was a mess.
But I decided that day....after surviving my walk. (dramatic pause)
I lost "control" because maybe that was the only way for me to let Christ gain it.  And you know, no matter how many times God teaches me to let Him be in control (which is quite often); it always so much better when I learn that all the questions and fears can rest on His shoulders. And I can give Him the control of it all.
 I am ok with the fact that I am a living object lesson of "I can do all things through Christ - because without out Him I am a disaster."


 "The good news is that Jesus does not call you to control everything, nor does He expect you to. Actually, He wants you to be okay with the fact that you can’t. Your “success” is not measured by your capacity to keep everything in order; it’s determined by your ability to trust that even in the chaos Jesus is beautiful – and even in the mess, so are you." --unknown

Warsaw

Warsaw is such a beautiful, unique place.  It was such an amazing place to visit.  Grazyna (my agency facilitator) and her husband, Wojtek, took the kids and I on a trip to Old and New Town Warsaw on Sunday afternoon.  They were kind enough to push the kids strollers so I could snap my pictures to my hearts content.  Wojtek, joked that I must have at least taken 1000 pictures....it was only 126. There was just so many amazing things to see. 

So here's my best attempt at copying some things I learned from him while in Warsaw.

After about 20  minutes of driving in circles searching for a parking spot, we parked and walked toward Old Town. The castle looking wall in the upper right corner of the collage is the entrance to the Old Town.  Just inside the walls are vendors selling various painting and other Polish crafts.  I missed getting a picture of this, because Grazyna was moving quickly and I was afraid I might get lost. The streets are packed with tourists and locals. Pushing kids in strollers was a bit hard on the uneven walkways and cobblestone streets. 

Old Town is actually the "newest" old town in the world.  Remember World War II?  Warsaw definitely does.  During the Warsaw Uprising (August 1, 1944 - the Polish people decided to fight back against Nazi oppression.), Warsaw was destroyed.

Over 200,000 Polish people died trying to liberate Warsaw from Nazi Germany. The Soviet army stood opposite bank of the river and watched for 63 days without sending any aid (other than the 1,200 people who dared to swim the river to help).  By January, 85% of Warsaw was crumbled heaps.

When the war ended the people of Warsaw began rebuilding. They resurrected the town using pictures, paintings, and memories of what the town used to look like. So you could say that Warsaw Old Town is more of a replica of the original. The streets are bumpy and uneven due to the fact that they did not level the ground after the distruction.  They rebuilt right on top of all the destruction.  They wanted everything as close to the original as possible.

New Town pretty much skirts around the walls of Old Town. You really can never tell which one you are in. I think I could have just spent an hour taking pictures of the beautiful windows, doors, and architecture.  The buildings are amazing. Speaking of....

Check out this one.  That little tiny building in the middle has it's very own address.  It is the smallest building in Warsaw. On the same block is this...

Apparently these bricks here are 500 years old.  They just randomly stick out on the side of a house, so I am guessing, they are something that actually survived the Uprising.

The streets are just bustling with activity.  Street artists, singers, people playing instruments, merchants, and this guy...

Orrin loved watching him make bubbles. They were pretty fantastic if I do say so myself. "What do you do for a living?" "Oh, I make bubbles."  Oh yeah, sounds like a good job for me; except when the kids pop them before you actually get them made.  He took it way better than I would have. :)

The shops are filled with souvenirs, jewelry, clothing and (my personal favorite) authentic Polish Pottery.

Do you think it will fit in my suitcase?  Not sure I need a teapot that large; although, after staying here for 3 weeks, I have developed quite a love for tea. Let me clarify....I like some tea.  I still can't stand the plain old black tea that they usually serve. Nasty stuff. Anyway, back to the pottery. It is gorgeous.  I hope I can go back and get at least one piece to stow in my suitcase with all the chocolate I am going to take home. Tea and chocolate...oh yeah!

And speaking of food....

Yes, it was all mine....and I enjoyed every last bite.

They did too!

And then there was this place.  Anyone know who Marie Skłodowska-Curie is? Me either...well, until I realized he meant Marie Curie. You know the one we all learned about in science.  She discovered polonium and radium. Who knew she wasn't French?  I sure didn't.  She was Polish and grew up right here in Warsaw.

Her childhood home (the one with the iron balcony with flowers) is now a museum. Apparently the French didn't even start to claim her until she won her second Nobel Prize.

Lastly we went to see the oldest church in Warsaw.  Grazyna and her husband were married in this church. Just as we were leaving, they turned on the lights.

So pretty!

We had such a great time in Old Town.  Hopefully I can take Josh when he returns. And sneak in some pottery shopping and maybe another waffle. ;)

Life at ZLO Piszkowice

 I thought I would tell you about Olivia's former home.

Where to start?  How about here?

 

 

Yep, I am a big fan of beginning at the beginning.

 

 

Olivia arrived here when she was one year old.

 

The Institution is run by nuns.  And when I say "run by nuns", I am dead serious.  Those ladies are IN CHARGE. They keep everything going like clockwork.  I am not precisely sure how many nuns live there.  It seemed to us there were about five; although many others were in an out while we were there.

 

 

 The institution has been here for quite some time.  Since we couldn't really ask them, I have no idea exactly how long.  I did meet one deaf man who grew up in this institution and he is now 51(he is two pics down). He showed me old black and white pictures of the institution from long ago.

 

There two three/four story buildings. They are separated by a parking lot but joined at the third floor by a long enclosed walkway. The closest one in the picture is (I believe) the oldest building and it houses the laundry, kitchen and bedrooms. The second building is newer and houses all of the play rooms, therapy rooms, and class rooms. 

The walls here are very thick. I am guessing this helps keep the buildings warm during the long, cold winters. The institution is heated by coal and some wood. I was told that coal is more expensive than gas, but they do not have the money change over. Everything here is clean, crisp, and orderly.  The walls and furnishings are all brightly colored. I am guessing this is due the fact that most of the children hardly ever see the outdoors except during the hottest part of summer. They are really missing out too....the outside is quite pretty.

 

 

There are gardens and orchards everywhere.  I recognized onions, lettuce, strawberries, apricots, apples, blackberries and a variety of beautiful flowers.  There is a gardener (and as you can see from this pic, he prefers short pants...hehe).  Everything is so organized and pretty.  See that shed in the background?  I stupidly assumed it was for tools, but could never figure out why they left the door open so much.  Josh finally went to inspect...he said there were pigs and I should come look.  Wish he had told me how AWFUL pigs in a very small shed would smell.  Uck!

 

Ok.  Back to the institution.  The nuns said there were close to fifty children staying in the institution. We asked what the age limit was.  Apparently it is more a matter of size.  a Child can stay until he/she no longer fits in a crib.  Which for some kids is quite old and for others not very long.  The oldest child living there right now is around 15.  They have a few exceptions, though.  I stupidly assumed that this girl was in fact a girl because of her size.

 

 

She is 38. And she has lived in the institution since she was eight years old. For the first eight years of her life she was locked in a dark room by her parents because they were ashamed of her.  The police intervened and brought her to the institution where she stays now.  She does not hear or talk.  But that does not stop her from being extremely bossy. She made sure Orrin never stood in his chair at the dinner table, or climbed anything, or ran to fast.

 

They say that they usually have around five children die each year. Many of them have very severe handicaps.  We met three boys who were brothers; all of them where severely handicapped from fetal alcohol syndrome.  It was really sad that parents could do something like that to their child THREE SEPARATE TIMES. Most of these children are unadoptable; they actually have families, but they can/will not care for them.  Some families visit their children, while others do not.

 

Besides Olivia, there was only one other child that could be adopted from ZLO. Her name is Ewa (Eva).  We have know about her for some time, because she was actually the first girl we found through our agency (Children's House International) to adopt.  But as time progressed, the agency decided it was not in her best interests for us to adopt her.  Ewa is much more medically dependent than Olivia.  Although they both have Down Syndrome.  Ewa has had serious heart operations, she gets sick very easily (pneumonia and bronchitis), and she doesn't seem to grow (she is six years old and is smaller than Olivia in height and weight- so basically the size of an average 18 month old -2yrs).  Since we do not live in a good medical area, they figured it would be much too hard on Ewa to live with us.

 

 

But none of her medical issues seem to keep this little girl from being a real spit-fire. She has personality to spare. Josh said he actually watched her tackle a little boy who has no legs and wrestle him (the little guy was pretty good at wrestling too).  She is all spunk and attitude. She just needs a family who can care for her medical needs.

 

I can not tell you about ZLO without mention these two who helped us through our stay. First there is Anya.

We loved her.  She is the only nurse who would speak to us in English (found out later that quite a few spoke English). She helped us more than she will ever know. We all cried when we had to say goodbye to her. And although she says her husband thinks he is the best nurse, I must say she was the BEST NURSE EVER!

And then there is this guy...

Axel.  The guardian.  He is by far the fattest lab I have ever seen.  He could barely move. But he would follow us from one place to the next.  Always waiting for a rub. One of the workers told us that he has epilepsy...she joked that they only get dogs that are like their kids. She said the dog before Axel would just be running along and he would pass out randomly. 

 

 This institution is a good place for the kids. The nuns and nurses really do love on the kids. They have toys, education, food, therapy, and constant care. 

 

So why adopt Olivia, when she is fine where she is?

 

I had this question too the first few days I was there (talk about that later); but here's what I came up with.

 

Because no matter how much activity and stimulation you get, an Institution is not a family.  The kids spend every day going from one room to the next...being occupied. They have food brought to them and at exactly 6pm every night they are taken back to their room and placed in a crib to sleep. They get up at 6am every morning and do the same thing all over again.  They will never know what it is like to interact with anyone outside of these. They may never excel, go to school, travel, experience life outside...they may never leave. And if they do, what's next? Another Institution?

What kind of life is that?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Poland Part 1

Poland.  What can I say.  We are here.

We arrived in Wroclaw (Vrotzlav) late at night and then drove for over an hour to Piszkowice (Piskoveetz).  Piszkowice is located in a small boot like area along the Czech border near the city of Klodzko. It is definitely not

your typical tourist destination.  But it is very beautiful here.

 

Things we learned in Piszkowice.

1. If you go for a walk on the roads, be prepared to have cars scrape by you at high speeds.

2. Polish people drive like they are in the Indy 500 all of the time.

3. Nuns do too.

4. They do not speak English here.

5. If they do, they will not let you know, because they enjoy eavesdropping (they speak English on your last day to creep you out --leaving you wondering what you said around them)

6. They are perfectly happy talking to you in Polish as long as you smile and nod.

7. Nuns are huggers.

8. If you are not a fan of ham and cheese sandwiches, DO NOT GO TO POLAND.

9. Peirogies are fantastic.

10. All drinks are warm or hot.

11. They love the Pope here.  (He stared at me from the cabinet all week long.) Particularly Pope John Paul II ....Was he Polish?

12. Everything is heated by coal (and trash).

13. They say "Dobray"-"good" and "Tak"-"yes" at least 100 times a day.

14. Beware of sheds with doors that oddly hang open.  You may find overwhelmingly stinky "swinka" inside. (ok,ok. . . pigs) 

 

Piszkowice was a beautiful place.  While we were there, we also took a day trip to Kudowa (Kudova) Zdroj.  It is very close to the Czech border. The town is known for it's mineral water.  Our adoption facilitator/translator, Grazyna, informed us that the signs said that if you bought a glass of their water, it would miraculously heal all your diseases and ailments. (Could we quite possibly heal Olivia's thyroid? Doubt it, expensive water.) Hmmm. . . we all passed.  And then in the park they had a place where you could taste the mineral water from a fancy fountain.  Both Josh and Grazyna came away gagging.  Glad I am the sensible, unadventurous one.

The park was beautiful.  There were pigeons, trees, ponds, and cobblestone walkways.  Not to mention a swan (who refused to be photogenic). 

The other places I refrained from pictures.  Partly because the first place we visted in Kudowa Zdroj was a creepy toy museum. Ok, I was the only one who thought it was creepy. Maybe it was my instituional depression (talk about that later) or my overwhelming carsickness wearing off, but endless windows of old dolls and toys was a bit creepy to me.  There was even a doll that had a face that turned.  She had 3 faces! (shudder) I am absolutely positive I have at least one friend that would agree with the overwhelming eerie nature of old toys (yes, Lori Harvell, I am talking about you). So sorry folks, no pics. 

And the next stop was even creepier. (This time I think more people would agree with me). We visted a chapel.  Not just any old chapel. This particular chapel was decorated with the bones and skulls. Creepy, right? 

Skull Chapel (Kaplica Czaszek)

The chapel was built in 1776 by the local parish priest Wacław Tomaszek. It is the mass grave of people who died during the Thirty Years’ War (1618–1648), three Silesian Wars (1740–1763), as well as of people who died because of cholera epidemics and hunger. Together with J. Schmidt and J. Langer, Tomaszek collected the casualties’ bones and put them in the chapel. Walls of this small, baroque church are filled with three thousand skulls, and there are also bones of another 21 thousand people interred in the basement. The skulls of people who built the chapel are placed in the centre of the building and on the altar.

I was not impressed when the nun took us in and shut the doors. Neither was Orrin. We were glad to be out in the fresh air again.

  

On our way back to Piszkowice, Grazyna decided to take us the scenic road.  It is called "The Road of 100 Turns".  Did I mention before that I get carsick?  Imagine me in the back seat of a very small car on this particular road.  Lets just say the scenery was beautiful; I, on the other hand, was not.  I tried to get an occasional glimpse of the forest and mountains that flew by (I mentioned they drive like maniacs in Poland, right?). We passed a place called the Errant Rocks.  It's random rock pillars throughout the forest.  We were told that scenes from Narnia: Prince Caspian were filmed in the Errant Rocks.  I can see why.  The place did have a Narnia quality to it. (Sorry, no pics of that.  We were driving way too fast on a very skinny road . . .and of course, I was carsick.)

 

Other than that, our stay in Piszkkowice was pretty uneventful. And now we are off the the big city. I'll let you know how that went later.